CLOVER

It’s 8pm and I am in bed under the covers. I should go sit in the backyard with a book and breathe in the air but it’s humid and the sun feels annoying.  So escape it is.

Its probably common for people to sleep all the time because their dreams feel more alive than they do. More fun, dramatic,  happy.  More something. Even if you don’t remember them all the time.

Sometimes even the nightmares I have feel like a better story than my day to day life. I’ve heard most people dream in black and white or with little color and that it’s after when awake our imagination recalls vivid colors that weren’t really there,  but fuck that.  I see colors in my dreams that I can’t see when awake.  Colors that don’t exist.  Or shouldn’t.

Maybe it’s depression. I’m not unhappy,  mind you. I’ve got a great marriage and my kids are healthy and I feel love.  It’s just that I feel boring and tired and I want to chase the colors that aren’t real.